Lights up on Sophie and Vince eating fresh apricots in the incomparable New York sun on a bench in what is presumably Union Square Park, as evidenced by the passing New York Film Academy students casually filming squirrels and by the buzz of the farmers' market nearby. They're both dressed impeccably. To Sophie's left on the next bench is a vile-smelling man with scraggly hair and a khaki fanny pack. On Vince's right is a kindly-looking octogenarian toting a tortoise-shell cane.
SOPHIE: So. Party this weekend?
VINCE: Yeah. It was totally awesome. There were tons of laser-hot supermodels all up ons.
SOPHIE: Swell.
VINCE: What did you do this weekend?
SOPHIE: Sat by the fountain on the Mall in D.C. It was rad.
VINCE: Cool. Come to Philadelphia this weekend.
SOPHE: Alas, alack. I can't.
Enter kindlier-looking fifty-something with Zach Braff in tow. Zach Braff looks totally like Zach Braff, with a gray T-shirt and slacks, with an ugly silver mountain bike and celebrity-like aviator glasses. Nobody at all seems to notice it's Zach Braff. They walk over to the octogenarian (who is actually stage director Tom O'Horgan) on Vince's right.
50-SOMETHING: Tom, this is Zach. Remember I was telling you about Zach? This is Zach.
SOPHIE (under her breath): Is that Zach Braff?
Vince shushes Sophie, elbowing her slightly.
ZACH BRAFF: You have no idea how glad I am to meet you. I am such a tremendous fan of your work. "Jesus Christ Superstar?" That was brilliant. BRILLIANT.
TOM: Hmmph.
50-SOMETHING: Zach is the man I told you about -- he's buying your loft, remember?
TOM: (to Zach Braff) What's your name again?
ZACH BRAFF: Zach.
The 50-something starts talking about something and Sophie and Vince try to start talking again but they're attention is obviously not with each other.
TOM: What did you say your name was again?
ZACH BRAFF: Zach. Zach Braff. Z-A-C-H.
TOM: Hm.
50-SOMETHING: Zach is a huge fan.
ZACH BRAFF: I'm a huge fan. Growing up I started out listening to musical theatre. We kept your records around the house.
50-SOMETHING: Zach is going to see Les Miserables.
TOM: Hm.
ZACH BRAFF: (putting his aviators on) It was such a pleasure.
TOM: Hm.
Zach Braff exits. He continues to go unnoticed. This is perhaps because he has a beer-belly and a double-chin which they must edit out in all those movies and TV appearances he does.
TOM: (To Vince) what is that you're eating?
VINCE: This? Oh, it's, uh, a mozzarella and spinach thing.
SOPHIE: (unnoticed) From the farmers' market.
TOM: Mozzarella and spinach? Hm.
VINCE: Yes.
SOPHIE: (unnoticed) It's from the farmers' market.
TOM: Is it good?
VINCE: Oh, yeah.
TOM: Hm. Were there other kinds?
VINCE: Were there other kinds?
SOPHIE: Yes.
VINCE: Yes.
TOM: Yes?
SOPHIE: Yes.
VINCE: Yes.
(NOTE: In Vince's version of this scenario, Tom now laughs at a little girl in a sprinkler. But this isn't Vince's version. It is mine). 50-Something reappears.
50-SOMETHING: Let's get something to eat.
TOM: Hm.
50-SOMETHING: We could stay outside, or, or we could go to that place across the street you wanna go to that place across the street?
TOM: Hm.
50-Something helps Tom up. They exit. Into oblivion.
SOPHIE: So. Party? Philadelphia?
VINCE: Yes. A girl ran her fingers through my hair.
Fin.
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- sophie (
likemustard) wrote,